Servant Zero
by Wavelet365
Summary: Not only did Rin not get Saber, but instead she got an amnesiac Caster who can't actually remember how to cast anything except for explosions. On the bright side, they're really big explosions. Also, Louise, whose post-summoning ceremony memory seems to be missing, is not exactly thrilled that instead of summoning a familiar, she seems to have become one herself.
1. The Servant Who Would Not Serve

**Servant Zero**

Disclaimer: I do not own either Familiar of Zero or Fate/Stay Night.

Extended Summary: Only a Tohsaka could screw up this much. Not only did Rin not get Saber, but instead she got an amnesiac Caster who can't actually remember how to cast anything except for explosions. On the bright side, they're really big explosions. Also, Louise, whose post-summoning ceremony memory seems to be missing, is not exactly thrilled that instead of summoning a familiar, she seems to have become one herself. Also features the amnesiac, talking noble phantasm Derflinger.

Clarification: As it seems to be causing some confusion, I'm going to make a note here about religion in Familiar of Zero. In Familiar of Zero, most characters, including Louise, follow the Brimiric Church. However, there is a heretical sect called the Protestants who also worship Brimir, but who reject other fundamental tenets of the Brimiric Faith. These Protestants have nothing to do with Protestant Christians (except, of course, that their relations with the original Brimiric Church are modeled off early Protestant/Catholic relations). In the anime, the only reference I am aware of to Brimiric Protestantism has to do with Agnes and Colbert, as Colbert was told to burn down Agnes' village in order to halt the spread of a plague (which was a lie) when, in fact, the reason it was actually burned down was for harboring Protestants. It appears more often in the novels the anime is based upon and in the Tabitha side stories.

**The Servant Who Would Not Serve**

Smoke, dust and a splitting headache: at first glance, that seemed to be all that had come of Louise de la Valliere's summoning spell. She also probably should have had a back ache, as she had landed on something rather sharp when the explosion her spell had caused sent Louise flying, but, for whatever reason, the impact did not seem to have done much harm.

Squinting through the dust stinging her eyes, Louise slowly began to take stock of her surroundings. Her spell had exploded – which should not have happened – but the situation was still salvageable so long as she had summoned something – anything really. She would even accept a mouse like Headmaster Osmond's familiar Motsognir. If she could at least do that much, then she would at least avoid being expelled from the academy. Louise did not even want to think about how her mother would react to her expulsion.

The young student caught sight of a large silhouette through the dust blocking her vision, and felt her hopes rise, before she realized that she was actually looking at a rather ornate chair, rather than a familiar. A second silhouette proved to be a chair as well, this one knocked over onto its side. The next object she managed to make out was a bookshelf, which had been torn in two by the blast. Louise frowned.

She had been in the Vestri Courtyard, within the walls of Tristain's Academy of Magic. However, as the dust began to clear, it was obvious that she was now somewhere else entirely.

Her classmates were gone. Professor Colbert was nowhere to be seen. Instead, having managed to climb to her feet, Louise found herself standing in the middle of what had likely been a rather opulent living room before an explosion tore it to pieces, scattering what little furniture remained intact all over the place, and gouging a six foot wide hole out of the ceiling. Finally, her familiar was nowhere to be seen.

Before Louise could even begin trying to understand just what had happened to her, she heard someone struggling with the living room's door knob from the other side of the door.

"Argh! The door's broken," a woman's voice declared, as the struggling momentarily ceased.

"Damn it all!"

Then, with a loud bang, the woman Louise had heard came flying through the door with a stumble, looking to have rammed into it shoulder first in order to knock the door down.

Her features were sharp and foreign, yet still attractive, and were crowned by a head of long, silky, ebony hair. The young woman's clothes could almost have passed for an academy uniform, if not for her bright red sweater. Even though she was missing her mantle, Louise's first impression of the girl was that she had the look of a noble, although possibly one from a distant land. At the very least, the young woman would probably be able to tell Louise where this manor was located, and, with any luck, she might even be able to help Louise return to the Academy.

At least, that was what she had hoped before the girl froze at the sight of her, and then started talking to herself, ignoring Louise entirely. Spouting off a bunch of nonsense about her father and some sort of task, the girl squatted on the ground with her back to Louise, clutching her own head in seeming vexation. It was just Louise's luck that the first person she ran into after whatever had just happened would be some kind of raving madwoman.

After spending far too long talking to herself, the madwoman's head turned towards Louise again with a clearly dissatisfied expression.

"Well? What are you supposed to be?"

Louise glared right back at the strange, young woman. What sort of greeting was that? Had this girl been raised in a barn? Maybe she was not truly a noble after all.

"I am Louise Francoise le Blanc de la Valliere, third daughter of the Duke de la Valliere," Louise declared imperiously, puffing out her chest. "And who are you that you would talk to a noblewoman so rudely?"

"Noblewoman? Huh?" the woman replied. "Oh, I guess you must have been a noble when you were alive then."

She finally turned her body all the way around to face Louise and stood up.

"Still, that's a pretty cocky way for a servant to talk to her master. And you are my servant, aren't you?"

"What?" Louise screeched. "How dare you? If anyone should be a servant, it's you! After all, how do I even know you're a noble? For all I know, you might even be my familiar."

"Huh?" the crazy girl responded, crossing her arms over her chest. "Are you defective, or something?"

The girl narrowed her eyes at Louise and concentrated for a moment.

"Well, whatever you say, I can still tell you're my servant through our connection to the Grail. Caster class, unfortunately, but at least your magical power is pretty high. As for your skills, hmm... no Magecraft or High Speed Divine Words? That's really strange for a Caster, but Bravery and High Speed Incantation are good, and Void Magic? Can she only use one element, then?"

Louise was approaching her limit. This obviously fake noble seemed to say nothing but completely ridiculous nonsense, and was now pretending that she didn't even know about the Void and the Holy Founder. Did she have no shame at all?

"Shut up!" Louise demanded, pointing her wand at the madwoman. "I don't know what you're talking about, but I won't forgive anyone who calls me a servant!"

"You really are defective, aren't you? Ugh! What did I do to deserve a servant like this?"

"Fireball!"

A second explosion rocked the room, as the lunatic who had been ranting at her was thrown back against the wall of the living room. That, Louise admitted to herself, had probably been an overreaction, but it had felt so good. Then something that did not feel quite so good happened.

"Anfang... Vertrag... Ein neuer Nagel... Ein neues Gesetz... Ein neues Gesetz... Ein neues Verbrechen! You stupid, defective servant, don't you threaten or attack me ever again!"

From where the madwoman had landed, a pulse of bright red energy shot towards Louise, staggering the young mage, as the pulse washed over her. Then, against her will, the hand holding Louise's wand began to shake before its fingers fell open, sending her wand clattering to the floor. Quickly, Louise moved to pick her wand up again, knowing that she was helpless without it, but, no matter how she strained to reach it, Louise's hand refused to move.

Despite the fact that she was still covered in dust and soot, the madwoman's expression was a trifle smug, as she watched Louise do battle with herself before her eyes.

"I don't like having to waste one for something like this, but even you should understand now. That was a command spell: an absolute order, which, as my servant, you must obey. Are you still going to try denying it? You won't be able to pick up your wand again as long as you're planning to threaten me with it, and, as a Caster, I would guess that you probably need it."

Louise's expression was at turns aghast and furious, as her gaze moved from her wand to the face of the woman who had just somehow bound her with some kind of weird spell. This was some kind of mind control magic, wasn't it? That meant that this woman was not just a lunatic: no, she was something far worse.

"You- You- You're some kind of Protestant, aren't you?"

"What?" the girl replied, a baffled expression on her face. "What does that have to do with anything? And, for your information, I'm actually a Catholic."

"A Catholic? What sort of nonsense is that? Don't think you can fool me! Did you really think you would be able to get away with this kind of base heresy? Surrender now, or I'll..." Louise trailed off. "I'll..." she tried again with no more success. "I..."

Her face contorting into a befuddled expression, Louise tried slowly opening and then closing her mouth with great success. Then she tried to threaten the dangerous, Protestant heretic again, and, once more, her voice refused to make a sound.

"I... I..."

Then, from behind Louise's back, a third voice spoke up.

"You know, girl. You're never going to be able to say a word through that magical compulsion unless you stop trying to make threats."

Her eyes widening in both surprise at the voice and sudden comprehension, Louise turned to face the new voice, only to find herself rather perplexed. There was no one there. The voice spoke up from right behind her again.

"No, no. Not that way. I'm over here."

Turning in place again, Louise found that whoever was speaking to her had vanished once more. She growled.

"Stop doing that!"

"Hey. It's not my fault. I haven't moved at all."

Out of the corner of her eye, Louise caught sight of the dangerous heretic facepalming.

"Please don't tell me that that rusted, hunk of junk is supposed to be some kind of noble phantasm," the Protestant moaned. "It looks like a stiff breeze might snap it in half."

While Louise was generally inclined to favour Protestants moaning on general principle, it once again bothered her that the heretical lunatic seemed to be making no sense. For a lunatic, to say nothing of a heretical lunatic, making no sense was probably the norm, but that did not make it any less annoying.

"Hey," the mysterious voice spoke up from behind her yet again. "Watch who you're calling a rusted, hunk of junk, you skanky harpy! I'm the Great Derflinger: a sword so legendary that even the legends consider me a legend."

Louise was not quite sure what that meant, but had at least gotten one useful piece of information out of Derflinger's admonishment.

"Wait! You're a sword? And I keep hearing you from practically right behind me. Of course!"

While she was not quite sure how it had gotten there, a sword had somehow been strapped to her back inside a fine, leather sheath. Withdrawing Deflinger from his sheath, Louise held up the admittedly rather rusty brown sword with both of her hands, peering at it in poorly concealed shock.

"You can talk!"

Deflinger turned in her hands to face the dangerous heretic, smugly declaring, "You hear that: that tone of surprise and wonder at the beauty and majesty of a legendary blade. I'll admit the girl's a little slow, but at least she understands how one should speak about the Great Derflinger!"

"Slow! I'm not slow! Stupid sword."

Louise began banging the sword against the ground.

"Take that back, you insolent pile of scrap metal!"

"Hah! As if the Great Derflinger could be harmed by something like repeatedly bashing me against the floor. You'll have to try harder than that, girl!"

"Fine then," Louise declared, finally managing to successfully pick up her wand. "Don't think you can mock me, you stupid sword."

Chanting the aria for a full power fireball spell under her breath, Louise pointed her wand at the steel blade which had dared to mock her, and then yelled, "Fireball!"

Nothing happened.

"Fireball!"

Nada.

"Fireball!"

Zilch.

"Argh! Work, you stupid spell! Fireball!"

Still nothing.

Panting hard, Louise glared at the sword, then her wand, and then back at the sword again. There had not even been an explosion. What was-

Then, without warning, a hand grabbed onto her own wand hand, and wrenched it away from Derflinger, while a second hand spun her around so that she was facing that insolent Protestant again.

"That's enough!" the heretic demanded. "I will not have my servant fighting with her own noble phantasm, especially if it looks like she's losing."

"I already told you that I'm not your servant!" Louise yelled right back. "In fact, in fact..." Louise raised her wand, somehow knowing deep in her bones what she needed to say.

"Mark of the Gandlafr!"

Then, as distasteful as it was, Louise leaned forwards and chastely kissed the raven-haired Protestant on the lips.

Fortunately, after a brief moment of shock, her eyes wide as dinner-plates, the heretic darted away from Louise, her fingers tracing her lips, as if to confirm the reality of what had just happened.

"What? What? Why?"

"You know," Derflinger spoke up from where he lay on the ground to Louise's left, "if this is some sort of kinky foreplay, then, unless you're going to be cutting one another, I'd appreciate it if you took it somewhere else. I'm not really into that sort of thing, unless there's at least a little knifeplay involved."

Then, mirroring one another, both girls abruptly turned red, and pointed their index fingers at Derflinger, saying, "Shut up, you perverted sword! It's not like that at all!"

Then, disturbing that odd tableau, the black-haired girl who had the audacity to declare herself Louise's master clutched her left hand as if it was burning and screamed. Before Louise's eyes, strange runes seemed to etch themselves upon the heretic's left hand, like liquid fire seeping into her skin, as she howled. For a moment, at the agonized expression on the woman's face, Louise almost felt guilty. Then she remembered that this woman was apparently her familiar, which made this a holy ritual of the Founder Brimir. Clearly, she could not have done wrong in carrying out the Founder's own will.

"That... That... How?" the heretic managed to say, gritting her teeth through the pain. Finally, as the pain seemed to ebb, she continued furiously.

"How does that not qualify as an attack?"

Louise sniffed contemptuously.

"Hmph. You should be grateful that I'm allowing an impudent heretic like you to be my familiar."

"Familiar? What?"

Again, the Protestant peered in her direction with a strange look upon her face, her eyes unfocused, as if she was looking through Louise to see something else. Then, after a moment's silence, she spoke up again, utterly aghast.

"This... This is one of your noble phantasms? Impossible to remove by mortal thaumaturgy? Forces the Gandlafr to defend Caster with her life? This... This..."

Louise frowned.

"Alright, familiar, I've been lenient so far, but enough is enough. The Gandalfr was the holy familiar of the Founder Brimir. I won't accept blasphemy from a familiar of the Valliere family."

"You... You..."

The Protestant was clutching some kind of jewel in her hand, but couldn't seem to bring herself to throw it at Louise.

"How dare you do something like this to me?"

Then her heretical familiar closed her eyes and took a deep breath. A second deep breath followed the first, and then she took one last deep breath.

When her eyes opened again, Louise's familiar was smiling at her sweetly, but something about that smile seemed subtly wrong. Somehow, even though the smile looked perfectly innocent at first glance, Louise could not help but feel that it exuded a palpable aura of menace, as if, behind that smile, there lay a terrible beast which would tear her to shreds if she said even one word wrong.

"Ah, Louise, wasn't it?"

The tone was the same. It was exactly the same as her smile.

Louise felt sweat beading on her forehead, but she would not give in. Mother never gave in to anything, so neither would she.

"And I'm Tohsaka Rin, of course. Pleased to meet you."

The pressure of that smile and tone was overwhelming, but she wouldn't give in.

"Plea-"

"Ah, ah. No talking now, Caster," the demon in human form continued, speaking over her. "I'm the type who believes that the relationship between servant and master should be clear from the start, so let me explain how our relationship will work. I am going to sleep now, and you will stay down here quietly, cleaning up this mess."

Rin gestured towards the living room, which Louise's arrival had essentially destroyed. Then her eyes opened wide, and it seemed to Louise as if she stared into the very depths of Hell.

"And if you say even one more word that pisses me off tonight, then I will use my second command spell to have you streak through the streets singing Christmas carols, wearing nothing but a Santa hat, until dawn."

Louise barely heard her, so focused was she on overcoming the overwhelming pressure of Rin's presence. She would not give in. She would definitely not allow her familiar to treat her like this.

Pointing her index finger in Rin's face, the pink-haired mage declared, "I don't care what you say! You're just my familiar!"

Rin's right eye twitched. Then she raised her hand, which was already glowing red, and did exactly as she had promised.


	2. The Sword in the Shop

**Servant Zero**

**The Sword in the Shop**

Rin awoke to the rather painful feeling of being shoved out of her own bed, and then landing on the floor, the side of her head and left arm throbbing from where they had impacted against the ground.

_What?_ she wondered blearily. _Why am I on the floor?_

From somewhere above her, Rin could make out a faint mumbling.

"Stupid, perverted familiar. How dare she make her master do something so embarrassing and indecent?"

Trying to ignore the annoying noise in the background, Rin struggled to get back to sleep, but the floor was too hard, and she was too cold without her blankets. Where had they gone, anyway?

Blearily, Rin opened her eyes, slowly taking in the room from where she lay on the floor, flat on her back.

From the light peeking through the translucent curtains of her windows, she could tell that it was just after dawn. Too early. Craning her head in the other direction, Rin caught sight of her alarm clock, resting in its usual place beside her bed. Half asleep, it took her a minute to discern the time from the positions of the hour and minute hands, but, eventually, her muzzy mind was able to figure it out. It was only a few minutes past six in the morning. Much too early.

Mm. She definitely needed to go back to sleep. Unfortunately, there was some sort of lumpy, pink thing on her bed, which had settled itself beneath her yellow comforter. What could it be? She didn't remember getting a dog, or any other sort of animal.

Hm. Last night she had...

Rin caught sight of the command seal on the back of her right hand, and blinked at it in confusion for a moment before remembering its relation to the events of last night.

Oh right. She had summoned a servant for the Holy Grail War. She had wanted Saber, but instead she had gotten Caster.

Her vision seemed stuck on the two faded parts of the tattoo on her hand: the evidence that two of her command spells were already used up.

Oh yes. Now she remembered. First, Caster had tried to deny that she was Rin's servant at all, and then, when that had not worked, she had tried to blow Rin up. A command spell had solved that problem, but then her servant had...

Rin found her gaze drifting to the runes on the back of her other hand, from when her servant had branded her, using one of her noble phantasms. She had called it the Mark of the Gandalfr, which, from what Rin recalled of the Norse language, was some sort of guardian spirit tied to a magic wand. She would need to look into the details of the runes fairly soon, in order to determine their various properties. She had only taken a brief look at their description last night.

Then, she had gotten very angry, especially when Caster had started claiming that Rin was her familiar, and, once Caster pushed her over the edge, had completely wasted another one of her command spells on a childish prank. She faintly blushed at the thought of what her father would have had to say about that.

After that, Rin had gone to bed, only to wake up far too early in the morning, sprawled out on the floor, her body aching from where it had recently crashed against the ground. Finally, there was a pink lump in her bed, and Caster's hair was pink.

Now, very nearly fully awake, Rin's mind processed the evidence instantly, and her eyes zoomed in on the offensive pink lump, which had appropriated her comforter, mattress and pillows. That bitch.

Pushing herself to her feet, Rin stepped up to her bed, ripped the covers off of the pink-haired interloper who had dared to interrupt her sleep, and then froze.

"Wh-Why are you naked?" Then her eyes caught sight of something equally disturbing, just before she covered her eyes with her left hand. "And-And why do you have a whip?"

Caster grabbed the blankets Rin had removed back from the magus' unresisting hand, quickly covering herself up again.

"That's- That's- It's not like it's my fault, you perverted familiar! You're the one who took all my clothes, only leaving me with that stupid-looking hat."

"You're a servant!" Rin yelled right back, removing the hand which had been covering her eyes now that it was safe to look. "Why didn't you just make more once my command spell had expired?"

"I already said that I'm not anyone's servant. I'm a noble. And even if I was a servant, it's not like I could just make clothes out of thin air. I'd at least need some fabric, or something, and a spinning wheel."

"What? What are you even- No. We'll come back to that later. First, why do you have a whip, and where did you get it?"

Caster looked a bit uncertain for a moment before rallying.

"I purchased it, of course."

Rin's eyes narrowed.

"While running through the city naked, singing Christmas carols?"

"Well, it's not like I know what Christmas carols are, so I just sang other kinds of songs."

"That's not the part that you need to explain!"

Caster huffed.

"Fine. The shop might have been closed, but I left something more valuable in trade, so it's fine!"

"What?"

"That stupid talking sword! It kept cat-calling, while I was doing that sick and perverted thing you forced me to do, so I left it at a local shop, and took this whip in trade."

"Wait. You left your noble phantasm at some shop?"

"It was annoying me!"

"No. That- That- Even if it was annoying, that sword must have been an integral part of your legend. How could you just leave it somewhere?"

"Hmph. As if I need some perverted sword."

"No. We'll have to get it back, and... Oh, God. It's a talking sword. You left a talking sword in some shop."

"So, what?"

"So, what? That's a serious threat to the secrecy of magecraft! If we don't get it back and someone puts it on tv, or, or, even just writes about it in the newspaper, the Mage's Association will kill me. Now, come on! We have to hurry."

Caster did not move an inch.

Rin stared at Caster. Caster stared back.

"I'm not going anywhere until you give me my clothes back."

"Argh!" Rin growled.

Obviously, she couldn't give them back. They were just projections composed of prana. They would have faded away within a few hours of losing contact with Caster. So, why wouldn't her servant replace them? She definitely had the prana for it. Whatever.

Opening up her armoire, Rin pulled out out one of the white dress shirts she wore beneath her school uniform and a black skirt like the one her servant had been wearing when she appeared last night, along with some stockings.

"I don't have your stupid Harry Potter cosplay outfit anymore," Rin growled, throwing the clothes she had picked out at Caster, "so just wear these. I'm a bit bigger than you, but it should still be close enough that you'll be able to manage until we can find you something else. It's not like you need a bra or anything, so our different sizes there shouldn't be a problem."

Quickly picking out her own outfit – just a copy of her school uniform – Rin missed the ominous silence brewing behind her until her servant's temper boiled over, the pink-haired girl very nearly frothing at the mouth as she screeched.

"Impudent familiar! How dare you talk about your master's chest in such a disrespectful manner?"

Rin shot her servant a contemptuous look.

"It's not disrespect. It's just telling the truth. Disrespect would be something like pointing out how most boys have more up top than you."

"How dare you?"

Rin smiled sweetly.

"But, of course, as a Tohsaka, I would never say something so disrespectful. It would be beneath my dignity. That was just me generously offering you an example of what actual disrespect might sound like."

Having managed to put Rin's dress shirt and skirt on, Caster was clutching the handle of her whip in her right hand rather tightly, as she gritted her teeth.

That reminded Rin: "Actually, come to think of it, you never explained why you got that whip in the first place. I assume that you at least had a good reason if you were willing to trade away one of your noble phantasms in exchange for it."

Flushing, Caster stared down at her feet and mumbled something inaudible.

"What was that?" Rin asked with a tiny smirk, scenting blood in the water. "I'm afraid that I couldn't quite hear you, Caster."

"I said it doesn't matter!" Caster blurted out. "It was just a dumb idea my sister had, and, and that's all, so returning it is fine."

Rin's eyes narrowed. That had been one of the most suspicious evasions she had ever heard. Apparently, her servant could not convincingly lie to save her life. Well, whatever. It was not like it really mattered why her servant had thought it would be a good idea to trade away a noble phantasm for a whip. What mattered was getting her noble phantasm back before anyone noticed it talking.

Buttoning up her beige vest over her dress shirt, Rin saw that her servant seemed to have also managed to dress herself, even if the clothing was a bit too large on her. If Caster kept refusing to make her own clothing, they might need to go on a shopping trip. After all, even if she stayed in her astral form most of the time (which Rin was starting to think she might prefer) Rin would die of embarrassment on the spot if her servant materialized in the nude, in order to do battle with another servant.

"Alright then," the young magus affirmed. "Let's go. You'll have to show me where you left Derflinger. It's not too far, is it?"

Caster shook her head.

Of course, Rin griped to herself thirty minutes later, what Caster had meant was that it was not too far for her – a heroic spirit. Caster's agility might only be rank C, but that still meant that her idea of a light jog could outrun a car.

Even so, eventually, they did make it to the shopping district, and found the costume shop where Caster had left her sword. Fortunately, the shop was on Rin's way to school, so she would probably even be able to avoid arriving late. Unfortunately, there was a minor complication.

The entire shop had been cordoned off by police, who seemed to be trying to determine how someone had broken in overnight. Thus, Rin and Caster found themselves stuck on the wrong side of a barrier of yellow police tape, along with a small crowd of curious onlookers.

"Caster," Rin whispered to her companion. "Just how did you get into that shop last night?"

Caster's expression was more than a little defensive. "Well, I tried to open the door, but the knob wouldn't budge at first, so I just kept trying harder until it did. It's not my fault that the whole door knob came off. Obviously, it was just shoddy craftsmanship."

Rin rolled her eyes. After all, there were probably very few manufacturers who planned for their doorknobs to handle a grip ten times as strong as that of an average human.

Regardless, the presence of the police was a complication, as was, "Hey! I already told you. I'm not a robot. I'm the legendary sword Derflinger. It's not my fault that stupid brat left me here."

She could try using a memory spell on the police officers, but she couldn't do them all at once, and if they caught on before she was done, things might get very messy for her. Also, doing thaumaturgy in front of a crowd of curious onlookers would hardly be looked upon favourably by the Mage's Association. Unlike Kirei, she did not have much experience doing memory modification on a large scale.

Then, as her thoughts turned to the subject of experience, it struck Rin that she was not exactly alone out here. While weak in single combat, few mages alive could hope to even compete with a Caster-class servant in either spell selection or experience. Even if that servant was the most aggravating individual Rin had ever met, she would be a fool not to exploit such a resource.

Turning towards her servant, Rin asked, "Caster, do you know any spells that could help us retrieve Derflinger without attracting the attention of the police?"

A bit startled by Rin's question, Caster froze for a moment before stuttering through a response.

"U-Um, no. I- I- That is- I mean, of the spells I can do, I can't think of any which would be helpful for something like that."

Rin frowned. So, apparently, asking Caster was a bust. Either she actually did not know any spells which could help (unlikely) or she was simply being difficult.

Then biting her lip, Caster asked a question which left Rin so befuddled that she had to give her brain a minute to reboot before she could muster up a response.

"Also, there's something I've wanted to know for a while now. Why do you keep calling me Caster?"

As Rin's brain sputtered to a halt, the pink-haired girl continued.

"I mean, originally I assumed that you were just some sort of madwoman, so I ignored it, but is there any particular reason you chose that name for me. In truth, I would prefer my familiar to call me something more like Lady de la Valliere, or even Mistress would be acceptable."

Rin's mouth opened and closed a few times, as she gawped at her servant, before she managed to form an intelligent response.

"I call you Caster because that's your class. As if I'd ever call you either of those other things."

The heroic spirit's brow wrinkled, as she seemed to consider that.

"I see. So, the nobility are known as casters here. In Tristain, we usually refer to ourselves as mages."

Rin stared.

"What?" Caster asked, noticing Rin's increasingly horrified regard. "What is it?"

"Caster, you-"

Rin's inquiry was cut off by by a pained scream from within the costume shop.

"Itagaki! Are you alright?"

"The- The sword. It bit me!"

"Well, what do you expect touching me like that? Just because I'm a sword doesn't mean you can just put your hands all over me without even asking!"

Rin shut her mouth, and refocused her attention on the problem at hand. She could sort out what was wrong with her servant later. That she did not even seem to know her own class was insane. The Grail was supposed to grant servants that sort of information automatically. Right now, however, preserving the secrecy of magecraft had to come first.

Taking a deep breath, the magus considered her options carefully.

Considering how many people were watching the main entrance to the costume shop Caster had robbed last night, entering that way without attracting any attention would be very difficult. Their best option then, would be to enter through a back entrance, if there was one. If not, well, for a magus, a concrete wall was not that big an obstacle, provided she was out of sight. Fortunately, there was an alley to the left of the shop, which seemed to be mostly empty.

Taking Caster's hand, Rin pulled the two of them past the crowd idly watching the police, and into the alley, ignoring her servant's protest at being dragged around. As she had hoped, it was mostly deserted, and there was even a back entrance. Two police officers stood in front of the door and what looked like a homeless person seemed to be loitering about a bit further down the alley, but three people were no problem for her.

Pasting a fake smile on her face, and lifting a hand in what she hoped would look like a greeting to the officers watching her, Rin whispered under her breath, "Sie schlafen und vergessen."

The officers and loiterer collapsed like puppets whose strings had been cut.

"What?" her heroic spirit asked, seemingly confused. "How did you do that?"

Rin let out a sigh, as she continued walking towards the door. Just because Caster was some kind of legendary magus whose skill and power were so great that tales were told of her for generations after her death – even if Rin herself, had never heard of her before – didn't mean that she should act so surprised when a modern-day magus employed a simple thaumaturgy. Modern magi weren't completely useless, after all.

"It's just a simple thaumaturgy for imposing sleep and forgetfulness," Rin replied defensively. "Even I can do something like that."

"Now," she continued pointing her right index finger at the locked back door, "Offen."

As the lock clicked open, Rin turned back to face her servant, who was looking more and more confused every second.

"That- That- You didn't even use a wand!"

"Shush!" Rin hissed back, and then gestured towards the guards. "If you speak too loudly, they might wake up. Also, I know you're some sort of legendary magus, but stop looking down on modern magi. As if I'd need a mystic code for something like this. If you underestimate the magi in the Grail War so much, then even you might end up in trouble."

Making sure to keep her voice down this time, Caster hissed back, "What? What are you- Argh! Why do you never make any sense?"

Taking a deep breath, Rin resolved to ignore yet another insult from her servant. They needed to focus on the problem at hand.

"Alright, as a servant, your speed should be sufficient to knock out the police officers and retrieve your noble phantasm before they can mount a defence. I'll follow after, and use a spell to erase-"

"Wait! We can't do that!"

"What? Why not?"

"Those men are officers of the law. We can't just attack them without provocation. It would be a crime."

Rin pointedly looked at the whip held in Caster's left hand, raising an eyebrow.

"I already told you that was a trade!"

"Whatever you say, Caster," Rin replied, shaking her head. "Anyway, I suppose that, if you're going to be like that, then there's only one thing we can do."

"Right. We'll just explain that it was an honest mistake, and, as we're nobles-"

Rin opened the door, placed her hands behind Caster's back, and shoved her servant into the shop as hard as she could.

"I'll leave it to you, Caster," she declared, and firmly closed the door.

For a servant, quietly disabling a few police officers should not be any problem at all. As their weapons were mundane, they would not even be able to hurt Caster, and the heroic spirit could move fast enough that they would not even be able to see her. Rin leaned against the door and sighed. Why did her servant always have to make everything so difficult?

Then, through the door, Rin heard a familiar voice speak up: "Hey, girlie, you're back! Good timing, though don't think it'll get me to forgive you for just abandoning me here like that!"

"Put your hands in the air and freeze!"

"Tanigawa, she's doing something with that stick!"

"I said freeze!"

"Fireball!"


	3. Realizations

**Servant Zero**

AN: I've been asked a few times now why Louise is missing the knowledge the Grail is supposed to grant servants about the modern world and Grail War. Rin will essentially explain this next chapter, but, as it's bothering quite a few people, I'll briefly explain here for anyone who feels hey need to know right now. According to Saber in Fate/Zero, servants receive this knowledge upon materialization (i.e. when they are placed in their containers). The amnesia the Heroic Spirit Louise is experiencing was caused by something which happened just after materialization, so she lost these memories as well (since they were implanted in her during materialization). What exactly caused Louise's amnesia will be addressed completely much later in the story, and I don't plan on spoiling it, but there is a reason for it.

**Realizations**

She had panicked.

Louise had stumbled into Fuyuki's Costume Emporium, pushed inside from behind by her traitorous familiar, only to find three pistols trained on her from less than five mails away. At that distance, she knew that even a single bullet could easily kill her. It was not the first time she had seen death – it was, after all, her family's responsibility to see to matters of justice within their lands – but she had never faced her own death. Looking up the barrels of the revolvers pointed towards her, she realized that, with a single pull of the trigger, any one of the men facing her could end all her hopes and dreams here and now.

She would never see Cattleya again, or Eleanor, or her mother, or her father. She would never become a great mage worthy of her family name. She would never prove all of her detractors wrong. No. Instead, she would die, struck down in a strange land so far from home that her family might never even know what had happened to her. And that was not how Louise de la Valliere had wanted her story to end.

So, she had panicked.

One of the men threatening her had yelled something, but she could not heard him over the blood rushing through her ears. Her wand was already moving, flashing forward to point at the trio who threatened her. A second voice ordered her to do something, but she had already opened her own mouth.

"Fireball!"

The resulting explosion, centred just in front of the leftmost pair of her assailants, hurled those two policemen through the front windows of the costume shop, while a third officer was sent tumbling over the counter-top near the front door. He did not get up.

Shelves fell over, and costumes were thrown every which way throughout the store. Louise closed her eyes and mouth, as a wave of black smoke and dust engulfed her. Then the front door of the costume shop burst open, and Louise heard the footfalls of more officers charging into the store. That was about when Louise realized what she had just done.

She had attacked three police officers who were just doing their jobs. Certainly, they were pointing their pistols at a noblewoman, but her familiar had pushed her into the middle of a crime scene. That they would misunderstand her intentions was completely unsurprising. Then she had completely lost control of herself, acting in a manner which did not in any way befit a daughter of the Valliere family. If mother were here, she would be ashamed of Louise.

Although the idea of idea of being treated like a criminal galled her, Louise wondered if she should just turn herself in to the police officers. This was, of course, a barbarian land far from the Brimiric kingdom where she had grown up. She knew neither the customs of this country, nor whether its justice system met the high standards set by Tristain's crown. Even so, surely, whatever noble held the right of high justice in these lands would appreciate Louise's unique circumstances and offer her leniency.

Without warning, Louise had been summoned to some nonsensical land, unlike anything she had ever heard of before. Impossibly high towers filled the horizon, metal carriages which moved without horses sped through the streets, and even the number of moons in the sky was wrong. Indeed, had it not been for the unholy compulsion her familiar had placed upon her last night, forcing her to run through the streets wearing nothing more than a bright, red hat, Louise might have fallen to her knees and cried when she realized what seemed to have happened to her. Instead, of course, as she still had three more hours of running left to go, she just kept on sprinting through Fuyuki City's residential district, singing a cheery hymn about the beneficence and unfailing wisdom of the Holy Founder.

After all that, who could possibly blame her for being on edge – for panicking when faced with three pistols pointed at her from point blank range? Yes. If this was a land of justice, where a noblewoman was treated with the respect befitting her station, then she would surely be forgiven upon explaining her circumstances. Perhaps, the noble governing this territory might even be willing to help her return home.

As the smoke from her fireball spell began to clear, billowing outward through the windows the resulting explosion had shattered, one of the officers who had charged into the shop spotted her, and pointed his pistol at her.

"Drop that whip and... is that a stick? Whatever. Drop the whip and the stick, or I will shoot."

Louise let the whip she had been carrying fall from her left hand without hesitation. She had meant to return it anyway, so there was no point in holding onto it. She would have preferred not to let go of her wand, but, eventually, she was able to bring herself to gently place it on the floor. After all, if she expected to be treated as a noble, then she was obliged to cooperate with the local law enforcement officers.

Then a second man grabbed Louise from behind and pushed her to the floor, fastening a pair of steel cuffs around her wrists. As Louise's face was pressed against the floor, her eyes widened, filling with shock and indignation.

They had all certainly seen her wand. How dare they treat a noblewoman like this?

Furious at the man who had presumed to press down upon her back in a wholly inappropriate manner, Louise bucked upwards, sending the man atop her flying.

"Stay on the ground and don't move," another officer demanded, but Louise was in no mood to listen to him.

She had been coming along willingly, and these plebeians had presumed to manhandle her, as if she was some common tavern wench.

Climbing to her feet with some difficulty, given the handcuffs restraining her, Louise opened her mouth to chastise the brutes, when yet another one of them had the gall to try grabbing her from behind. Fortunately, while far larger than the young mage, her assailant moved so slowly that he might as well have been standing still. Effortlessly, Louise dodged his clumsy blow, and tripped him, sending the man falling to the floor with a loud crash. That was when the first shot was fired.

Louise heard the loud bang of a revolver firing only an instant before she felt something impact against her side. Abruptly, she realized that she had just been shot, so why couldn't she feel any pain?

Mystified, Louise craned her head downwards, trying to get a look at where she had felt the bullet impact, and saw nothing at all. There was no blood, and she could feel no pain. How was that even possible?

Two more gunshots sounded, and she felt two more impacts, but, once again, the bullets seemed completely harmless. Had she somehow become invulnerable?

Then, without warning, her familiar's irritating voice screamed at her from inside her own head.

_Caster! What the Hell are you doing?_

"Familiar?"

Louise stepped out of the way of a pair of police officers carrying batons, who had decided to flank her, kneeing the one who had come at her from the left in the stomach, and then leaned backwards beneath a wild haymaker from a third officer, so that she could grab her wand from the floor. As her hands were still cuffed together, Louise fumbled with the wand a few times before managing to grasp it, but, honestly, her attackers were so slow that she could probably have taken a break for tea between their punches.

_Don't familiar me! I told you to quickly and quietly knock out a few police officers and grab Derflinger, not to start some sort of battle royale with every officer in the area._ _And how did you manage to end up in handcuffs? _

"How do you even know that? I don't see you anywhere."

While questioning her familiar, Louise straightened back up, and slid past a follow-up blow from the police officer who had been in front of her before stomping on his right calf. The officer who had been shooting her had apparently put away his gun and retreated towards the door, pulling out some sort of small, black box with a metal pole attached to it. He was talking into the device, but Louise could not make out his words over the rest of the noise in the store.

_I'm looking through your eyes, of course. What did you expect me to do when I started hearing gunshots? The first explosion was bad enough._

Louise's eyes widened, as she landed a high kick on the only one of her current assailants who was still standing. Her familiar could look through her eyes? A mage could, of course, look through the eyes of her familiar, but Louise had never considered that a familiar might be able to look through her master's eyes as well.

"Hey, girlie," Derflinger spoke up, interrupting her thoughts. "If you're here to rescue me, could you pick up the pace a bit. I think I'm starting to rust over here. Also, you should know, when you talk to yourself, it makes you sound a little crazy."

"Shut up, you stupid sword! You should be more grateful to the person who almost died to get you back."

"Maybe I'd be more grateful if she wasn't the same person who abandoned me here in the first place, and what do you mean 'almost died?' They didn't even scratch you."

Furious, Louise stomped over to her insolent sword.

"I was shot three times! That-That definitely should have killed me, or at least have hurt a little bit!"

"Yeah. I'd have thought so too, but I guess either you're a lot tougher than you look, or those bullets were a lot weaker. Either way, I'm pretty sure you can't say that they almost killed you."

Louise heard a telepathic groan from her familiar.

_Caster, stop screwing around. Obviously, a normal police officer isn't going to be able to so much as scratch a divine mystery. Do you honestly expect me to believe that you don't know that?_

This was part of the reason why Louise hated her familiar. She always talked as if everything she was saying would be completely obvious to anyone who was not an utter moron, but nothing she said ever made any sense at all. What did God have to do with bullets bouncing off of Louise? Did her familiar honestly expect Louise to believe that God had popped by to personally offer her some sort of divine protection? Whatever. There was no point in even discussing religious matters with that heretic. However, her familiar was right about one thing: she needed to grab Derflinger and flee before any more of those brutes who had assaulted her arrived. There was only one problem.

Louise looked down at the sword in front of her and frowned.

"I'm not sure that I can carry both you and my wand with these hand cuffs on, and I'm not leaving my wand."

_Caster, just return to your spiritual form, and they should fall right off. Now, hurry up!_

Once again, her familiar's advice sounded like complete gibberish. Fortunately, Derflinger made a more practical suggestion.

"Have you tried snapping the cuffs? I mean, you don't look like you're that strong, but that one guy you kicked flew half way across the room."

That was actually a good point. Normally, Louise would never have even considered the idea, but, since Louise's familiar had summoned her, she had performed a number of physical feats which she would have previously considered impossible for her. Running for hours on end, outfighting four large men, while handcuffed and unable to cast any spells, somehow remaining uninjured after being shot: a day ago, Louise was fairly sure that she could not have done any of those things. Louise knew that familiars often gained powers from being summoned, and she had been summoned, even if she definitely was not anyone's familiar, so it might be possible.

Straining her biceps and triceps, Louise pulled apart her arms with all her might, trying to snap the chain which restrained her hands. She winced in pain as the steel biting into her flesh rubbed her wrists raw, but kept on pulling. She could hear the screech of the the chain links binding her tearing. Then, with a final burst of effort, the pink-haired mage snapped the chain entirely, freeing her hands.

Her wrists sent sharp pain signals to her brain every time they so much as brushed against the steel cuffs around her hands, while her triceps and biceps felt as if she had done a million push-ups, but she was free.

Breathing a bit rapidly from her exertion, Louise picked up Derflinger with her left hand and smiled.

"I did it."

"Yeah. Good job, girlie. Now, let's get out of here."

Striding towards the back of the costume shop, Louise opened the door, and came face to face with her familiar. One of the officers at the other girl's feet seemed to be stirring, but a few words in a strange tongue and a wave of her familiar's hand solved that problem. The raven-haired girl was frowning at her.

"Why did you that?"

"What?"

"Why did you break those handcuffs the way you did, rather than slipping out of them using your spiritual form? I could tell that doing it the way you did hurt quite a bit."

Louise scowled right back at the other girl.

"Shut up!"

Why was her familiar always like this? Even when Louise had just done something amazing, rescuing Derflinger and beating up all those armed men, her familiar still looked at her like there was something wrong with her: like she was a failure, a zero. Louise felt tears welling up in her eyes, and forced her eyes shut in order to keep them from escaping. Then, as soon as she was sure that it was safe, the pink-haired mage opened her eyes again, and stared right back at her familiar with a mutinous expression.

"I did the best I could! You're the one who brought me to this crazy place and humiliated me and pushed me into that shop without even giving me any warning! What did you expect me to do?"

Her familiar's eyes narrowed, as her eyes flicked over Louise's face, analyzing and then filing away ever detail of her expression. Then, seeming to have found what she was looking for, the young woman closed her eyes, her shoulders slumped, and she let out a gusty sigh.

"So it's like that, after all then." She cradled her face in her left hand, while her right hand slammed against the brick wall to Louise's left. "Damn it all! What am I supposed to do with a servant like this?"

Sighing again, Louise's familiar took her hand, and began pulling the Tristanian mage along with her towards the end of the alley, where a three mail high brick wall blocked their path.

"We can talk as we walk, but first we'll need to jump over this wall. Leaving this alley the same way we came in could draw unwelcome attention after what you just did. Jumping over the wall won't be a problem for you, will it?"

Once again, Louise felt as if she were taking a test without even knowing what the questions were, while her familiar watched her like a hawk. She wasn't sure that she could jump that high, but, considering everything else she had done recently, it was at least possible, and she definitely would not let herself lose to her own familiar.

"I'll definitely do it," Louise replied firmly, practically daring her familiar to challenge her, but the raven-haired woman only sighed again in response to her assertion.

"Alright then, Caster. Follow me."

Then, sprinting towards the wall, her familiar chanted, "Es ist grob. Es ist klein!"

Her legs lit up by a lattice of glowing, blue lines, her familiar bent her knees and exploded into motion, clearing the wall with at least a mail to spare in an impossibly high jump.

Louise closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

"I can do this. I can definitely do it. I won't let myself lose to her."

"That's the spirit, girlie. Keep it up, although, you know, she can probably hear you."

Not bothering to reply to the talking sword in her left hand, Louise charged towards the wall at her best speed, and then bent her knees and leaped forward as far and high as she could manage. Incredibly, she not only managed to duplicate her familiar's feat, but even managed to exceed her, flying at least half a mail further above the wall than her familiar had.

"I did it!" Louise exulted, reveling in her success.

Then, not having prepared for her landing at all, Louise stumbled as she struck the ground, her own feet twisting around to trip her, and found herself skidding along the ground on her knees until friction brought her to a halt. Okay. So she might have to work on her landings a little bit.

Without a word, her familiar helped her up from where she had fallen to the ground, and started rapidly striding forward towards the alley's exit. At the speed her familiar was walking, Louise found it difficult to keep pace with her without breaking into a run, but she was not going to let her own familiar outpace her.

"Alright," her familiar declared, turning to face her with an impassive expression, as they reached the end of the alley. "I had hoped that I would be able to go to school today, but, if you can't even use your spiritual form, then I don't have any choice. The police will definitely be looking for you, but leaving this way will probably buy us at least a minutes or two, and, if I do this too..."

She waved her left hand towards Louise's hair, and hissed the word, "Schwarzen."

"Then, the fact that you are probably the only girl with naturally pink hair in Japan won't give us away either."

Startled by the implications of her familiar's statement, Louise pulled one of her bangs down, and held it out in front of her eyes.

"I-It's black. You turned my hair black?"

"Don't worry about it," her familiar replied breezily. "Alteration of this level should only last a few hours. Hopefully, it will keep you from sticking out too much until we get back home, but the pigmentation should be back to normal by lunch time."

"I-I see."

Once again, her familiar acted as if magic Louise had never seen before was commonplace. Would changing the pigmentation of hair be water magic, since it was sort of like dyeing the hair, or maybe earth magic? It certainly did not seem like it would be a simple, dot-level spell, and her familiar had done it effortlessly, without even using a wand. In fact, she had not yet seen her familiar use a wand even once, no matter what spell she employed.

"Now, come on," her familiar demanded. "The sooner we get back to my house, the sooner we can figure out what's wrong with you."

"There's nothing wrong with me," Louise replied, but, exhausted and overwhelmed as she was, her denial lacked the heat it would have normally had.

Her familiar shot her an unreadable look.

"Like I said, we can discuss it once we're back home, where the police aren't so likely to suddenly interrupt us, in order to arrest you."

Then her familiar walked into street, clearly expecting Louise to follow her, and groaned.

"And I'll have to ask Kirei for a favour. Oooooh. I can already hear that smug, self-satisfied tone of his. Rin," she spoke in a deeper voice, obviously imitating this Kirei, "the war has not even started yet, and you've already seriously violated the secrecy of magecraft in broad daylight. While, as your father's disciple, I am pleased that you have finally summoned your servant, as the impartial mediator of the Holy Grail War, I can only protect you so far. Please Rin, for your father's sake, if you feel the urge to blow up any more stores or assault any more police officers, at least try to do so when there are less witnesses about."

Her right hand balled into a fist.

"As if I need that sort of advice from you, Kirei!"

Louise simply walked on, lost too deeply in her thoughts to concern herself with her familiar's mad ramblings. Since she had arrived in this land, she had been simply trying to ignore the strangeness of her surroundings and her familiar. A part of her, she suspected, had hoped that this was all merely a fever dream brought on by willpower exhaustion, or that her professors would suddenly appear before her eyes with a way home. But that wasn't going to happen, was it?

No. She was really here: stranded in a barbarian land so far from home that she could only make out a single moon in the night sky. She was stranded here all alone except for her heretical lunatic of a familiar, and if she wanted to get home some day, Louise would need to accept that truth and make the best of it.

"Oooooh! I hate that guy so much!"

Of course, she mused, gritting her teeth, it would be easier to make the best of some things than others.

"Stop whining, familiar! I can barely hear my own thoughts over the sound of your moaning."

"I don't want to hear from that you! And put away your sword! At least try to be inconspicuous."

"Hey," said sword spoke up. "Shouldn't I get a say in this."

Both young women turned towards him, wearing nearly identical expressions of righteous, feminine fury.

"No!"


	4. The Caster Who Could Not Cast

**Servant Zero**

AN: In this chapter, Louise's partial ability chart (as seen by Rin) appears. Note, that due to Louise's amnesia, the skills Rin sees when she consults the Grail regarding the Heroic Spirit Louise's abilities are different, in some cases, from the skills the amnesiac Louise in this story actually has.

**The Caster Who Could Not Cast**

Rin was confident in her tea brewing skills.

As a person who had lived alone from a young age on a limited budget, but who still was determined to enjoy excellent food, Rin had spent the better part of a decade honing her cooking skills. She could cook two dozen high quality rice dishes with inexpensive ingredients, she knew how to prepare four dozen delectable desserts (she, admittedly, had a bit of a sweet tooth) and the tea she had brewed for her servant, an exotic, rose-coloured, Chinese blend, was on a completely different level from normal green tea.

A guest who sat at the ornate, hardwood table in her dining room, sipping such exceptional tea, should bow her head in gratitude for being granted such a privilege. At the very least, Tohsaka Rin expected that she would receive sincere thanks from the person to whom she had shown such generosity.

"Ugh," her servant made a disgusted sound, clearly struggling not to spit out the beverage she had found so offensive. Finally managing to swallow her first sip of the tea Rin had so painstakingly prepared, the temporarily black-haired woman raised her pink eyes from her cup and towards her host, wearing an expression which did not contain even a hint of gratitude. If anything, it looked as if her servant was planning to lecture Rin in her own home.

"Familiar, I'll forgive you this time, since I failed to give you clear instructions, but, in the future, you should know that I take my tea black, with one scoop of sugar and milk. This..." the heroic spirit hesitated, as if searching for a polite way to express her feelings, "unusual blend of tea you favour is unacceptable."

Rin took a deep, calming breath. She had suspected that their conversation would be difficult. If, as she guessed, Caster had not received the information the Grail was meant to provide her, then confronting her prideful servant about that fact could garner an explosive reaction. Even if her first command spell would keep Caster from harming her, protecting herself from her servant was not enough. Rin would need Caster's full cooperation if she wanted to win this Holy Grail War, and, without any spare command spells, she could not force her unruly servant to cooperate with her.

That was why Rin had asked her servant to sheathe Derflinger, in order to keep the talking sword from riling them up. It was also why, after informing Kirei of what had happened in the shopping district, Rin had prepared a cup of her favourite tea for Caster. She had hoped to win some goodwill from the heroic spirit, or at least that the soothing beverage might calm Caster if she became agitated. However, for her servant to simply throw her hospitality back in her face like this was too much.

In response to Caster's words, once she had taken a few more deep breaths, Rin offered her servant a wide, slit-eyed smile. It was a smile that said, 'if you keep talking, then this smile might be the last thing you see upon this Earth, so try to make your last words memorable ones.'

Caster, having just finished chastising Rin, looked up, caught sight of Rin's expression, and froze in place.

"Oh, I see," Rin exclaimed pleasantly, in the same way one might pleasantly say, 'Oh, don't bother getting up. I have your lethal dose of arsenic for you right here.'

"Don't worry, Caster. I will be sure to remember your words in the future."

The subtext was clear: 'the next cup of tea you drink from my hands will be your last.'

"Anyway," Rin continued, the nervous expression on Caster's face doing much to soothe her frayed nerves, "as enjoyable as this discussion has been, it's time to get down to business. Caster, please correct me if I'm wrong, but, from what I've observed of your behaviour, it seems obvious that the information you received from the Grail was incomplete."

Finally having recovered from Rin's smile, Caster blinked a few times in confusion.

"What? What are you talking about? What Grail?"

Rin sighed. The situation was just as bad as she had feared. Taking a sip of her tea – and it was positively delicious, whatever her thankless servant had to say about it – in order to calm her nerves, Rin continued.

"The Holy Grail is a powerful magical device which usually appears every few decades in Fuyuki City – where we are right now – in order to grant a wish."

"A wish?" Caster asked skeptically, raising an eyebrow. "You know, if you're going to lie, you could at least try to make it more convincing."

Rin simply took another deep breath and ignored Caster's accusation. Getting bogged down in justifications before she had even really begun explaining would be pointless.

"I don't know most of the details regarding the Grail's operation," Rin admitted, "but that it exists can easily be proven by the fact that it has already appeared four times before. The Fifth Holy Grail War will be beginning shortly, in order to determine who will claim a wish from the Grail."

Caster scowled.

"I already said that I don't believe you. If you want me to believe you, then at least offer some real evidence. Talking about things that might have happened in folk tales told decades before either of us were born is meaningless."

"Fine then," Rin replied, slamming her tea cup on the table, and then leaning over the table towards Caster. "If you don't believe me, then explain how you're here at all. As a Caster, you should know that it's impossible for a magus to summon even a copy of a heroic spirit. Even one hundred maguses would probably fail if they tried. The very fact that you're here at all is already a miracle, so why is it so hard for you to believe in a wish?"

"What are you talking about? Every mage can summon a familiar. That you kidnapped a human instead of getting something normal like a toad or a cat just means that you must have messed up somehow!"

"Human?" Rin replied, raising an eyebrow. "And what part of you is supposed to be human exactly?"

"What's that supposed to mean!?"

For a moment, Rin paused, peering at her servant carefully again. Unless Caster was a professional actor, her confusion was unfeigned, but how could she not even know that she wasn't human?

What had she said to Rin in the past?

Her name was Louise Francoise le Blanc de la Valliere. She had been a member of the nobility, a magus, and had presumably lived in Europe within a century or two of the Protestant Reformation, considering how touchy she had been about religious denominations last night.

She not only lacked the knowledge of this time period and the Holy Grail War that all servants normally possessed, but did not even seem to remember that she was a Heroic Spirit. Yes. If Rin made those assumptions, and also took into account Caster's arrogance and self-righteousness, then most of her actions could be understood.

All that remained was to determine just how she should use that information in order to get what she needed from her servant. If Caster did not even realize that she was heroic spirit, then using her real name might be a good start.

"Louise," Rin began in a more friendly tone, "I'm sorry if I'm confusing you. Maybe we should try starting over again from the beginning."

Pointing at herself, she declared, "I'll start. I'm Tohsaka Rin, the magus charged with overseeing Fuyuki City, which is where we are now. And you?"

Caster's scowl wavered at Rin's suddenly more friendly tone and introduction. Rin could still spot suspicion in her eyes – for a magus, Caster was painfully easy to read – but there was also uncertainty, and even a bit of hope there as well. Moreover, if Caster really had been a noble, then Rin suspected that she would have been trained to answer politeness in kind.

After a moment's hesitation, her servant answered.

"I'm Louise Francoise le Blanc de la Valliere, the third daughter of the Duke de la Valliere, who rules the largest duchy in the Kingdom of Tristain."

Tristain? From her recent studies of legends and mythology, in preparation for the Grail War, Rin vaguely recalled a knight of Tristan, or, perhaps he had been a knight named Tristan. She could not recall the details. Unfortunately, her knowledge of sixteenth and seventeenth century European geography was rather poor, although she would have guessed that Caster was from a French-speaking country, judging by her name.

"Alright then," Rin replied, raising her right index finger in an instructional pose. "As far as I can tell, you are here because I summoned you here to act as my servant, a sort of powerful familiar, during the Fifth Holy Grail War, here in Fuyuki City. I didn't mean to get you, in particular, but servants usually do take the appearance of humans."

Caster was frowning again.

"You- You can't just summon a person like that and expect that I'll act as your familiar! It's kidnapping!"

"Oh," Rin responded airily, raising her left hand, which still bore the familiar runes Louise had seared onto it last night. "So, taking a person as a familiar would be kidnapping, would it?"

"That's- That's not..." Caster instantly began a heated denial before trailing off, as her gaze turned downwards.

"Fine," she finally continued after a long pause, sounding as if the words had been dragged out of her by force. "You're right. To try to take another noble as my familiar was unacceptable, but you're not any better! I- In fact, you did it first! And another thing: you said we're in Fuyuki City, but I've never heard of anywhere like this city before. So, where is this place?"

"Mm. Normally, the Grail would provide you with basic information on this location and time period, but, as it hasn't, I guess I can tell you a bit. We're in the nation of Japan, which, if I'm guessing right, is far to the east of where you lived before."

Caster's eyes seemed to light up with hope at Rin's assertion, as she hurriedly replied, "You mean, you know where Tristain is, and how I could get back there? I- I- When I noticed that there was only one moon in the sky at night, I was worried, but-"

"What?" Rin cut her servant off. "Why wouldn't there be one moon?"

Caster tilted her head to the side, looking mildly puzzled at Rin's interjection.

"Well, in Tristain, there are two moons, of course: one red and the other blue. I would not have thought it possible to go so far east that even that would change, so I'm reassured-"

"Stop," Rin interrupted Caster again, her eyes slightly wider than they had been a moment ago. "You're saying that you come from a place where there are two moons?"

"Yes," Caster replied uncertainly. "That's why I was surprised that you had heard of it."

Two moons? Could it be a lie? No. Caster was a poor liar. Her earnest hope had definitely been genuine when Rin suggested that she knew where her home could be found. So, then Caster was from an entirely different world. While such a thing was normally not permitted by the Grail, her summoning had been, admittedly, a little bit irregular, and, as the Throne of Heroes was independent of both the world and time axes, at least in theory, it could be possible. Now, she just had to find a delicate way of explaining all that to Caster.

"I'm sorry, Louise," she apologized. "I was mistaken. There is nowhere on this planet where two moons can be seen in the sky."

Caster's face fell immediately. For a moment, it even looked as if she might cry, before she closed her eyes and took a deep breath in order to calm herself.

She clearly wanted to go home very badly. It should not have been a surprise. If Rin had been summoned to a foreign land, she would want to go home as well. However, if she was ruthless enough, Rin realized, it also presented an opportunity.

Rin closed her eyes. She was a magus fighting in the Holy Grail War. She had no choice but to leave her weaknesses behind if she wanted to win.

Opening her eyes, Rin moved her head to try and catch Caster's downcast gaze with her own, forcing a sympathetic expression onto her face.

"If you truly did come from a land with two moons, then I know of only one power in Japan which could return you to your home."

Caster's pink eyes peeked up to meet her own blue orbs.

"It was the power of the Holy Grail which brought you to this place, so, if you want to live in Tristain again, there is probably no power besides that of the Holy Grail which can make your wish come true."

Caster closed her eyes, and then sighed. When her eyes opened again, there was a fierce look in them, wholly different from the tentative hope Rin had seen in them a moment ago.

"I'm not stupid."

Rin remained silent, not quite sure what to make of the seeming non sequitur.

"It's obvious that you want this Grail, and now you're trying to convince me to help you get it. I'm not so stupid that I can't see what you're trying to do. So, I only have one question." Caster's eyes hardened, boring into Rin. "Can this Grail you want really bring me home?"

"I don't know."

The words came out before she had even had time to consider them. Rin wasn't sure if she simply wanted to be honest with her servant for some reason (perhaps, she felt guilty at having tried to manipulate her) or if she was afraid that Caster's piercing eyes might detect a lie, but the truth came from her lips without any consideration.

"But if anything in Japan can do it, the Grail can. I've never even heard of a more powerful magical device – at least not one I could hope to access."

Caster held her gaze for another moment, seeming to search her eyes for something, and then, seemingly having found what she sought, her servant nodded.

"Alright," she declared, squaring her shoulders. "Then I'll help you get this Holy Grail thing. If it's really the best chance, then I can't afford to do anything else. So, where is it? You said there was some kind of war over it, so I assume that you have at least raised your levies already."

Levies? Those were some sort of medieval soldiers, weren't they?

"No. It's not that kind of a war. It's more like a competition between seven maguses, using our servants," she explained, nodding towards Caster. "Once only one master and servant pair remain, the Grail will appear before the victor."

"Defeated?" Caster replied, appearing unhappy. "Since you're calling it a war, I assume you really mean-"

"Yes," Rin interjected. "Killed. We will need to kill either the servant or master of each of the other six pairs without dying ourselves."

For a moment, Caster looked almost afraid, before she visibly rallied, lifting her chin up defiantly.

"Fine. Then that's what we'll have to do."

Rin's response was a deep sigh of relief, her entire upper body visibly lifting up, and then slumping back down in her seat.

"Oh, good. I wasn't quite sure what to do if you had refused. So, now that we've sorted that out, I guess the next thing to do is to take a closer look at your abilities. Just hold still for a second."

"What?"

"Oh, don't worry. It's just one of the Grail's functions. By looking at you, I can obtain a fairly good idea of your combat power from the Grail. The same thing works with other servants, although, until they've revealed their full abilities, getting a full picture of enemy servants is usually impossible. I took a quick peek last night, but, now that we're properly working together, you can hopefully clarify anything that confuses me."

"I- I see," Caster replied, sounding worried. "Are you sure that's really necessary?"

"Of course it is. How can I prepare a combat strategy without knowing what you can do?"

Then she looked at Caster, and directed her eyes to focus beyond Caster's physical appearance, flicking the switch in her mind which would allow her to see Caster as the Grail saw her, rather than as human eyes perceived her.

OOO

**True Name: **Louise Fracoise le Blanc de la Valliere

**Class:** Caster

**Master:** Tohsaka Rin

STR: E

CON: E

AGI: C

MGI: A++

LCK: B

Noble Phantasm: A

**Class Abilities**

Territory Creation: C

As Caster saw little need for a workshop in life, she has difficulty manufacturing even a small workshop.

Item Construction: (Lost)

**Personal Skills**

High-Speed Incantation: B

Due to the long casting time of many of her spells, Caster focused significant effort on learning to speak her incantations with both extreme speed and accuracy.

Bravery: A-

Bravery is the ability to negate mental interference such as pressure, confusion and fascination. In life, Caster could not be cowed by anything except for her mother. At this level, some would call her bravery foolish recklessness or insanity, but that's never stopped her before.

Charisma: D~B-

In life, Caster was known as a great leader of men, who led the defence of her homeland time and time again, while also having been trained in all the arts and courtesies of a noblewoman. For a time, she was even the heir to Tristain's throne. When she was calm and focused, her charisma approached that of a king. However, when annoyed or frustrated, Caster would often revert to childishly lashing out in anger, disheartening all those who followed her.

Void Magic

Caster is capable of using all the spells of Void Magic, which were passed down by Brimir in the Founder's Prayerbook, as well as a few original spells of her own creation. She was widely regarded after her death as the greatest practitioner of Void Magic in six thousand years.

**Magecraft Tool**

Wand

**Noble Phantasm**

Derflinger

Rank: B

Type: Anti-Thaumaturgy Noble Phantasm

It is said that Brimir forged a legendary sword for the first Gandalfr, which could overcome any magic. The noble phantasm Derflinger is this legendary spirit sword. In addition to possessing supernatural durability, it has the power to absorb spells of Rank B or lower instantly and spells of higher rank given sufficient time. It also has a great store of knowledge, which it may impart on its wielder by making use of its ability to speak.

Mark of the Gandalfr

Rank: A

Type: NA

Channelling the power of the Void is lengthy and difficult. Thus, legend has it that great Void mages like Brimir and Louise de la Valliere empowered a familiar, the Gandalfr, with the strength to defeat an entire army alone, so that they would be protected while casting their spells. As a noble phantasm, the Mark of the Gandalfr forces whoever it is used upon to defend Caster with his or her life, and cannot be broken with any mortal thaumaturgy. However, only one Gandalfr may be empowered at a time. The Gandalfr gains the following class abilities, in order to protect Caster:

STR: E

CON: E

AGI: E

MGI: E

LCK: E

**Class Abilities**

Magic Resistance: D

Single-action spells are cancelled.

Battle Continuation: A

It is possible to fight even with deadly injuries, and the Gandalfr can remain alive so long as she does not receive a decisive, fatal wound.

Guardian Knight: B

When defending Caster, the Gandalfr's defences, including Magic Resistance, rise by 1 rank.

Mastery of Weapons: A

The Gandalfr can wield any conventional weapon, treating it as a C-rank noble phantasm, or any offensive noble phantasm of up to A-rank, with the skill of a master, provided she holds that weapon in her hands. Additionally, when holding a weapon, the Gandalfr gains 2 ranks in STR, CON and AGI.

OOO

A few moments later, as her eyes focused upon the material world once more, Rin frowned thoughtfully.

At some point, Caster had apparently become unnerved by Rin's gaze and had started fidgeting, which seemed a bit odd for a hero who "could not be cowed by anything except for her mother." Of course, it wasn't quite as odd as having her mother be the one thing that could cow Caster. What sort of mother had she had? Some sort of evil God or phantasmal beast? Well, at the end of the day, that wasn't so important. Caster was the one who she had summoned, not Caster's mother.

More importantly, she thought to herself, lifting her left hand so that she could look at the runes Caster had placed upon her last night, Caster's Mark of the Gandalfr was far more useful than she had initially realized. Of course, she was troubled by the compulsion it apparently involved to "defend Caster with her life." Was it a mental compulsion or a physical compulsion? Could it be overcome? All of those questions would need to be answered before Rin would feel truly comfortable with her servant's noble phantasm, and even then, it certainly seemed as if it would reverse the way a master-servant pair normally operated in battle, which she would need to factor into her plans.

On the other hand, she considered, walking around the dining room table so that she stood beside Caster, she might be able to face a heroic spirit herself now – a feat which her father's journals would have had her believe was nearly impossible. That additional melee combat power would make up for a lot of the Caster classes' usual deficits, and, even more than that, there was a part of Rin that had always hated the idea that her fate in this war would largely be decided by how someone else fought for her. The idea of facing enemy servants herself – deciding her own fate in this war with her own two hands – truly appealed to that part of her nature.

"Hey, what are you doing?" Rin's servant asked nervously, trying to shy away from the magus, as Rin reached around behind her to take hold of Derflinger's hilt.

"Don't worry. I'm just-" Rin began to reply, but then, as she drew Derflinger, her words came to an abrupt halt.

She had been expecting it, but, even so, Rin was caught off guard by just how much wrapping her hand around Derflinger affected her. Information poured into her mind: a thousand katas, a hundred thousand stances, a million subtle sword movements, each of which she now understood – each of which now spoke to her – in a way that she had never imagined possible before that moment. She – who had seldom even glanced at swords in the past – now knew how to wield Derflinger as if the blade was an extension of her own arm.

Letting the sword cut through the air a few times before her eyes, Rin found herself very nearly laughing in delight at the feeling of connection and fulfilment she felt. Her hand was meant for this sword, and this sword was meant for her hand.

"Not bad, girl," the blade tried to interject, "but cutting the air's not what I was made for. Find me something a little meatier if you want me to acknowledge you as my partner."

But Rin was barely listening. It was not just the sword. Her vision and hearing were sharper than even her best reinforcement could make them, she felt stronger than she ever had before, and her movements were so swift and elegant that she barely felt like a human being anymore. She loved her magecraft – the gift her father had passed down to her – but, as fulfilled as she felt when mastering a new spell or unearthing the secrets of an ancient grimoire, there was no magecraft without pain. Thaumaturgy was the art of twisting the natural state of the world, so that it fit with one's own desires: a process of perversion which could not be achieved without first painfully twisting oneself. Her connection to Derflinger was different: purer, cleaner and painless. She loved it.

Reluctantly, Rin placed the talking broadsword upon the dining room table, taking her hand off its handle.

"Hey? That's it! Come on. We were barely getting started."

Ignoring both the sword's words and the part of her which agreed with its sentiment, Rin turned back towards Caster. A superior magus should be capable of sublimating her desires into more useful impulses in order to achieve her goals,and Rin would allow herself to be nothing less than the best.

"I have one more question."

"I- What? Why did you?"

Ignoring Caster's confusion, Rin continued, absently brushing her black hair back from where it had fallen over part of her face during her swordplay..

"Instead of magecraft or even divine words, your personal skills tell me that you use something called Void magic. That could mean that your only element is Void, I suppose, but, from the description, it seemed like it was actually something a bit more special than that. If we're going to work together, then I need a better idea of exactly what sort of magic you can do."

For a moment, Caster simply froze in place at Rin's words, as if they had left her utterly befuddled. Then, without warning, Caster's mood turned dark, and she became angrier than Rin had ever seen her before.

"How dare you?" She spat, her voice rising with every syllable. "It's bad enough that you're a heretic who would profane the Founder's holy element, but to... to say..." Caster's voice cut off with a hitch, as if she was barely holding back a sob, "How dare you mock me like this?"

"I- I- What-" Rin tried to get a word in edgewise, before she was cut off by her servant's still rising fury.

"You said you looked at my abilities, didn't you? That's what you were doing while I just sat here. So, you know! You know I can't cast anything – that I'm a zero – and you would still make fun of me like this! The Void – the holy power with which the Founder Brimir reshaped the world and saved all of humanity from annihilation – how could someone like me ever-"

Her voice cut off in a hiccough.

Realizing that the situation was rapidly spiraling out of control, Rin reached out towards Caster, not sure what she wanted to say, but knowing that she had to say something to try and salvage this situation.

Caster slapped her hand away.

"Don't touch me! Don't even- Just leave me alone!"

Then Caster fled the dining room, barreling through Rin's still wrecked living room and, from what the magus could hear, up the stairs before Rin could even try to calm her down. Distantly, she heard a door slam.

"Well," Derflinger exclaimed sardonically from his spot on her dining room, "that certainly went well."

But Rin had no time for the sword – not when her own thoughts were whirling quickly enough to make her head spin. Caster had not known that she was a heroic spirit, but showed no surprise at her own appearance, despite the fact that she was young – maybe fourteen or fifteen, if she was an extremely late bloomer. So, she thought that she was a teenager herself. She had not just lost her memories of being a heroic spirit, but, quite possibly, most of the memories of the heroic feats she had performed in order to earn that distinction. She, apparently, did not even remember the magical power with which she had earned her fame. Her servant had said that she could not cast anything: a Caster who could not cast any spells.

Rin's face fell into her hands. What was she supposed to do with a servant like this? Even if she had some of the abilities and noble phantasms of a heroic spirit, her servant was, for all intents and purposes, a teenager. If her servant had been Saber or Berserker, perhaps that would not have mattered quite so much, but she was Caster – a class which thrived on exploiting the very wealth of magical knowledge and cunning which her servant lacked. Even with the Mark of the Gandalfr, they would definitely be over-matched.

"Father, what am I supposed to do now?"

Surprisingly, she received a reply to her rhetorical question, although it did not come from her father.

"Well, kid," Derflinger responded, "I'm not your father, but, if you asked me, I'd say go after her." The sword paused for a moment, apparently considering his advice further. "Well, that's only if you still want this house to stay standing, of course. If you're interested in demolishing a wing or two, you might want to leave her alone."

"What?" Rin asked, her self-pitying thoughts diverted by the sword's very odd advice.

"I mean, I've known a few untrained Void mages in my time, and the one thing they all seem to be good at when they're pissed off is blowing stuff up."

An ominous boom sounded from somewhere above Rin.

"Wow. Even for a Void mage, that was pretty quick, and, from what I heard, not too stingy on the explosive power, either. I've heard better, but I'd still give it about a 7.5."

Rin's eyes widened, and then, talking sword in hand, she was running. There was no way she was letting that bitch total her house.

"Y'know, this takes me back. It was awhile ago – a few centuries, maybe – when I was wielded by this fire mage who was so paranoid that he liked to keep his wand on him in his sleep. Anyway, this one time, we were staying in an inn, and he had this weird nightmare. So, long story short, he set the whole place on fire, and-"

Images of her own house catching fire, or at least sporting big holes in its walls, helped speed her footsteps, as Rin catapulted up the stairs, hearing a second, louder boom coming from the direction of her own room. Servant or not, Holy Grail War or not, Rin had decided: if Caster was doing what it sounded like she was doing in Rin's room, then she would die here.


End file.
